What does sexability mean?
Sexability is a term people sometimes use to describe the fact that people with disabilities can have sex.
Can you have sex? Do you have any limitations?
Yes. I’ve never had sex, but I could. Everyone can. Sex doesn’t require standing or walking, so I should be good to go. I just couldn’t do crazy gymnastic positions. Everyone has their own limits on what they can or can’t do. Everyone’s different. When in doubt, just ask the individual.
How would you have sex?
You see, I have this thing called a vagina… I’m sure you can figure out the rest.
Can you feel, you know, down there?
Yes. However, some people can’t. But, that doesn’t mean they can’t feel sexual pleasure.
According to sexualityanddisability.org, “If you don’t have feeling in areas below the waist, there are various erogenous zones in your upper body. Many women feel sexual pleasure when their ears, neck, lips, or breasts are stimulated or caressed. If you have lost sensation in a certain part of your body, look for the point where the unfeeling part meets the part of your body where you do have sensation. These are often very sensitive spots, and being touched sexually in these areas can be arousing. Many women with spinal cord injury still feel pleasure through cervical stimulation (inside the vagina).”
Can you orgasm?
Does your disability get in the way of feeling sexual?
Not really. People’s attitude toward my disability or being rejected because of my disability does, though. It sometimes lowers my self-esteem, which makes me feel less sexy for a while.
Does your disability get in the way of dating?
Yes. I’ve only been on a few first dates in my life. They never went anywhere past the first date, though. I would say the biggest issue is not being able to physically protect myself. I’ve talked to a lot of guys and girls online that were interested in me and wanted to meet me, but I hesitated because I’m vulnerable in the way of not being able to protect myself. Also, I have anxiety, so that plays into it, too.
Are you okay with being single?
Definitely! In fact, I prefer it right now. I’m really independent and I’m always busy with something. I couldn’t be involved with someone right now, unless that person gave me A LOT of space. I see couples that are with each other all the time and do everything together, and I’m like, “No thanks.” Nothing against relationships; they’re just not for me.
I used to think I had to be dating and having sex to prove to myself and others that people with disabilities can date and/or have sex. But, now I know that being single is a choice.